We'll burn like stars.
We'll burn as we fall.
Watch as city lights dance for us.

Hey, assnuts. I'm bored. So, I'm writing in this piece of shit.

Summer's been alright. Make a lot of bad decisions, like giving my phone numbers to illegal aliens twice, but who can say they haven't been there, done that? No one. Everyone does it. It's like anal sex. Can't knock it til you've tried it.

Been workin a lot. Like, 104 hours in two weeks. It's been pretty incredible. I just realized something. 104 hours isn't that long. I bet my dad works like, 3 times that.

Hm. According to my calculator's calculations, there are only 336 hours in two weeks. Obviously, my dad is a robot.

Well, whatever. Back to talkin about work. It's alright. Our manager has a fairly enormous stick up her ass, but it ain't so bad. I just listen to her bitch, think about burning the entire place down, and tell people they have to do stuff they'd rather not do. It's probably the best summer job a 20 year old smart ass can ask for, and I walk around most of the day just fake-vomiting, stringing curse words together, dickin around in the water and yelling at McGregor. I'm not even close to complaining and if I was, I'd hope you'd have the common sense to stomp on my skull until your foot was covered in my brains.

What else has been goin? I've only gone to one Mets game. They won though, and I got massively drunk and Nick and I heckled a Yankees fan the ENTIRE game. Didn't even realize that not a single hit was recorded, nor was there a run scored after the first inning. Now THAT'S an enjoyable day at Shea.

Oh. Yeah. My grandma Gizerian died on Juy 7th. She was 80 and had just had a triple bypass, so it wasn't much of a shock. Only got two grandparents left. Depressing.

NYMETS.

I'm goin to school soon! For orientation. Gotta find the fresh meat. Ya know, I should really think before I type. I'm such a jackass.

Music: Muse - "Shut the fuck up and get off my back"

C-c-c-c-cumdumpster
C-c-c-c-cunt
C-c-c-call me clever
Is that still ok

I haven't shaved in a week and a half. I look horrible.

It's all part of my master plan, though. See, Williston Park Pool opens on Saturday.

"Oh, Jeff your plan is to look as unprofessional and slovenly as possible? What with your long hair and now splotchy beard, your boss will probably think you're a homeless man masquerading as a college student so you can molest small children."

No. Give me some credit. We had a meeting for the pool like 4 days ago or whatever. They want the lifeguards to do Arts & Crafts for the kids and play like basketball and shit with them. Nick and I quickly volunteered. My PLAN is to be the guy that really wants to help out and stuff, but the kids won't go near him because he curses way too often, doesn't shower often enough, doesn't shave and hasn't gotten a haircut in a year.

My intentions will be good and my boss will look at me as a good kid, but those kids will be just too damn scared and disgusted to go near me. Sigh. I'm so smart.

ALWAYS THINKIN. THAT'S ME. A THINKER.

Yeah.

I love the phrase "no dice." Hilarious.

TeddyBananaFish1 : get a damn job
TeddyBananaFish1 : or ill cut ya
TeddyBananaFish1 : ill cut ya good
M Feldy887 : dude ive applied at lik 12 jobs
TeddyBananaFish1 : no dice?
M Feldy887 : not yet

Before I said "no dice?" that conversation was just me threatening Mike. "No dice" put him at ease. But I'll still cut him. I'll cut him good.

HEY. Know what's really relaxing? Sleeping with your head where your feet should be. I dunno. I just like it. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

When I was like, 13 or some shit like that, I would throw rocks at birds.

Man, those birds must've been scared shitless.

Fuckhead.

Music: Jimmy Eat World - "Cautioners"

Nobody is heard compass wilting in the wind
Nobody is heard rowing sheep smile for the dead
Transoceanic depth in this earth in this cenotaph

Those lyrics are by The Mars Volta. Good enough band, I guess. But what's their fuckin deal. Can't they write something that isn't fuckin weird as shit? What the hell is a cenotaph? WHO CARES. This is one of those bands that like, 14 year olds like because they're so "smart". Fuck that. Yeah, they're "smart" if "smart" means "needlessly complex and annoying".

Add that to the list of things that piss me off.

1. Passive Agressiveness
2. Needlessly complex stuff.

Fine, so there's more than two things that piss me off. But those two are WAY UP THERE. And ya know what? I realize that the word cenotaph isn't necessarily complex as much as I'm ignorant. But whatever.

Great, now I'm gonna look it up. What a waste of my valuable time.

Cenotaph: A monument erected in honor of a dead person whose remains lie elsewhere.

That word is completely pointless and useless.

Guy: That's a really nice monument erected in honor of a dead person who lie elsewhere.
Know-it-all: You mean a cenotaph?
Guy: No. I mean it's a really nice monument erected in honor of a dead person lie elsewhere. So shut the fuck up.

See? Pointless word.

I woke up this morning at 7:14 am EASTERN STANDARD TIME. This is like the second consecutive day and both days it has been because of "nightmares" about the World Cup. They're not really nightmares, I guess because I'm not actually scared. But they annoy me enough for me to wake up because WHY THE FUCK AM I DREAMING ABOUT SOCCER. I hate everyone else in the world. It's soccer. Not football. You fags could never play football. "Football? I might break the heel off my new red pumps. I'm a fag." Idiots. I hate Europe, Asia, South America, Central America, Australia, Canada, Africa and ESPECIALLY Hispaniola.

I'm well aware that "Hispaniola" is an out-dated term. But I like it. SO I'M USING IT. FUCK OFF.

Canada. Pfft.

Ugh, I'm tired.

OH YEAH. I got home on like, what was it, May 17th? Somethin like that. Who cares. But since then, Carle Place has either been in Newsday or on the evening news twice and both times were under less than desirable circumstances. Incident #1 was some little league coach slapping an 11 year old girl across the face. The little league coach was my sister Lauren's coach last year. My mom showed me that the day after I got home, but I brushed her off because I was hungover as shit.

Incident #2 is much more glamorous. http://ww2.7online.com/global/video/flash/flashvideoplayer.asp?topVideoCatNo=80651

That's the news clip. New York has such fucking hot news anchors. I don't even watch for the news, I watch in hopes that a titty pops out.

But I digress. Watch the video! I'm not explaining!

MMMMMMMMMMMM. Roast beef sandwiches. I love roast beef.

I only got a 2.9 this semester. My dad doesn't want me to run for President again next semester. He can suck the shit out of my asshole. A 2.9 is a B-. It's not the end of the world. AND ANOTHER THING. I'm fairly certain he threw out my Dean's List certificate.

Who wants to have sex with me? I haven't had sex in a LONG time. It's been so long you'd feel bad for me.

Well, you'd feel bad for me if I had a heart. But I don't.

Music: Gob - "Fed Up"

With just a look they shook
And heavens bowed before him.
Simply a look can break your heart.

Totally OWNED Nakul here...

boy wit the fire (2:43:49 AM): gay gay gay
TeddyBananaFish1 (2:44:21 AM): queer queer queer
boy wit the fire (2:45:40 AM): homo homo homo
TeddyBananaFish1 (2:47:44 AM): nakul nakul nakul
TeddyBananaFish1 (2:47:46 AM): OWNED

Nakul claims he's "undoubtably" one of the most intelligent people's he's ever encountered. Undoubtedly, he's a jackass that can't spell.

I saw Over the Hedge a couple of days ago. Good movie. Actually, great movie. Trailer didn't lie this time. The trailer boasted that Over the Hedge was the "Best animated film since Shrek!" And it was. Better than Shrek? Who knows. That's not for me to decide. It's for the men in the plain white coats to decide.

"Don't mistake someone's daughter's crying for fuck sounds." What a horrific line.

Know what I did last summer? Alright, I was walkin home from Rob's, wasted. I walked through the Gook Mart, stole a bag of Doritos, like I almost always do, and proceeded to eat the ENTIRE bag when I got home. This, of course, made me very sick. So I walked out of my house and down the street. I then puke on the trunk of a car and kick over their garbage cans for good measure. I ran home and laughed my ass off the entire way there.

Sigh. I'm such a scumbag.

My teeth hurt like an anal raping. Wisdom teeth need to come out. Without a doubt, this will be horrible. Horrible, just absolutely horrible. Not lookin forward to it at all.

Isn't your life so much better when I make regular journal entries? Mine sure is.

Jenn was bored before so she gave me a survey! Feel free to steal it! NOT MY ANSWERS THOUGH. YOUR ANSWERS HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT.

It was a long survey. Too much effort to copy and paste. Fuck off. Use your imagination.

This is a particularly hard question though: Would you rather do a girl with your best friend or have your girl do your best friend.

I mean, I guess it's a pretty easy question. I'd let that cheating whore fuck my backstabber of a best friend before I ever crossed swords.

But then a provision was added: You can booze beforehand to make it less scary.

So then I decided to double team some whore with my best buddy.

Booze: It'll make ya do anything.

WPP needs to open. I do way too much of nothing. This sucks.

Who thinks I should have a few beers so I fall asleep?

I do.

OH MY GOD. I have a funnell up here!

I'm such a degenerate.

Music: blink 182 - "Girl Next Door"